Illinois man sexually abused a peacock

Roselle, IL: David Beckman, 63, is being charged with a laundry list of offenses: three charges of harassment by telephone, unlawful possession of drug paraphernalia, two counts of marijuana possession, attempted indecent solicitation of a child, cruelty to animals, and two counts of battery. Both the battery and solicitation of a child charges stem from a case earlier this week in Roselle, which involved a child between the ages of 13 and 17, according to the Daily Herald.

Roselle police were investigating him for the child solicitation charges when they discovered a dead peacock named Phyl in his garage. Details are unclear, but apparently the police interpretation of the evidence is that Beckman had sexually abused the peacock.

Beckman was being held at DuPage County Jail on Friday on $10,000 bond. His arraignment is scheduled for June 12.

Fake Boy Scout arrested for trying to touch 10-year-old girl’s feet

Polk County, FL: Reginald Cruz, 32, is under arrest after asking a 10-year-old girl if he could touch her feet. The girl saw through this idiot’s scheme and ran inside her house and told her mother, who called police. Detectives say he’s approached over a hundred females in the Dundee and Lake Hamilton areas.

Cruz told detectives he’s approached hundreds of women and asked to touch or massage their feet by telling them stories like he was trying to earn a Boy Scout community service bade, or that he was a medical student doing research on feet. He would then try to put their feet in his mouth.

Cruz was arrested Wednesday and charged with lewd lascivious conduct on a person under 18, obtaining property by fraud, two counts of battery and one count of attempted battery.

Woman scams her own son into thinking he has cancer

Pennsauken, NJ: Susan Stillwaggon, 35, was charged by Pennsauken police with theft by deception and endangering the welfare of a child on Thursday, according to the Philadelphia Inquirer. Stillwaggon is accused of convincing friends and her own son that he had cancer in an effort to collect cash from duped well wishers. Police say she took in $3,500 with the scam.

She allegedly told her 9-year-old son as well as “officials at his school, her husband, and others that the youngster had stage-3 Hodgkin’s lymphoma,” authorities told the Inquirer. Police say they verified through medical records that the child does not actually have cancer.

CBS Philadelphia spoke with a woman who identified herself as Stillwaggon’s mom. She told a reporter that her daughter is in a psychiatric ward. “I will just tell you that my daughter is sick, something snapped in her head, don’t know what, that’s why she is where she is so we can find out what’s wrong,” the woman said.

More parenting fails at TheProudParents.com.

Man gets 15 years for having sex with dogs

Muskegon, MI: A Muskegon County judge went above state sentencing guidelines to order Kurtis Peter Peterson to state prison for between one and 15 years for repeatedly having sex with dogs. “I fear for what he might do in the community,” the judge said.

Throughout the sentencing, Peterson swayed continuously, shifting his weight from foot to foot as he did at his plea last month. He said little in court, just answering the judge’s questions. Experts at the Michigan Center for Forensic Psychiatry earlier evaluated Peterson and determined he was legally sane at the time of the incidents and was competent to stand trial, according to attorneys for both sides.

Peterson, 37, pleaded no contest March 8 to “the abominable and detestable crime against nature,” also known as sodomy or bestiality. He was charged as a fourth-time habitual offender.

“There have been many complaints of unwanted and inappropriate touching,” the judge said, leading to his conclusion that Peterson poses a high risk of reoffending.